Battling for Your Children Against the Father of Lies

by Connie Almony

I’m not perfect. I’m one of those sinner-types who needs a Savior.

Sooooo … being a Savior-needing sinner, who’s done a few things I’d hate for my kids to repeat, how can I be a good role-model for them?

When I signed up to write a parenting post, a number of ideas came to mind. I’m trained as a counselor and have worked with young people all my life. However, having a well-grounded 16-year-old daughter, I decided to ask her what she appreciated most about my parenting. She answered, “Being real!”

I’ve never hidden from her my flaws, faux paus or the sins of my past. Granted, I haven’t dumped them in her lap at one setting, either. But when she asks, “Have you ever done…?” wondering if I’ve strayed from my own standards, I answer her openly. Some would think this gives her license to call me a hypocrite, since she is not allowed to copy my sins. You know, saying “You did <insert sin>, why can’t I?”

She has yet to do this, because I’ve already given her the answer. It goes like this:

“Because I’ve been to the funerals. I’ve seen the destruction wreaked on those who’ve survived their sin—including myself. I’ve witnessed that which I hadn’t first understood, and now trust the God (and sometimes the parent) who knows more than I do.” In other words, I don’t just bare my brokenness, allowing her to also be aware of her own need of a Savior—I teach her how God loves us best by creating boundaries designed to make our lives fruitful.

It is because she knows I am aware of the power of temptation, and that I don’t judge the people succumbing to it (we often pray for them), and she knows the pressures I faced (and sometimes succeeded against), that she and her friends are open with me. They often come to me after school to describe the toxic choices of some of her fellow students. After these disclosures, we talk (again) about the temptations to do these things (sex, drugs, what-have-you) and the effects of giving-in.

My daughter has been discouraged from stating she will never engage in a particular sin. Why? Because, as I’ve told her, the minute you believe you could never do that sin, satan discovers you are unprepared for the temptation he can throw at you. She didn’t understand.

I said, “Imagine …”—this is where being a fiction author is helpful— “… you are struggling in school, and just as everything seems at its worst, I die. You no longer have me to come to. Your dad is riddled with grief and the stress of caring for you and your autistic brother all by himself. A friend shows you a tiny pill she claims will take your mind off your troubles. What could it hurt? It’s only a teeny pill. And it’s free (for now).”

My daughter’s delayed response was heavy with understanding. “Oh.”

I said, “Yeah. That’s how satan rolls.”

When battling against the father of lies, the best defense is always openness and Truth.

About Connie Almony
Connie Almony is trained as a mental health therapist and likes to mix a little fun with the serious stuff of life. She is a 2012 Genesis semi-finalist for Women’s Fiction and received an Honorable Mention in the Winter 2012 WOW Flash Fiction Contest. Her newest release, Arise from Dark Places, is an edge-of-your-seat inspirational retelling of Sleeping Beauty. Connect with Connie on her website.

 

Yet God

By Doreen Hanna

Did you feel your dreams came true the moment you held your new born for the first time? Then delighted in their first word or step? Quickly, months turned into years, and those cherished moments seemed to lessen, and now became a lesson because it was more about discipline then delightful pleasures. Did you begin to wonder, “Is this really an honor?”

You are not alone because I believe most every parent has felt that way at some point throughout their journey.

Yet God. At times in my motherhood days, just those two words would take my focus off myself and lead me to remember that he holds this role of ours in his highest esteem. When God led Moses to write the Ten Commandments, he desired to have our hard labor recognized. “Honor your Father and Mother… and your days shall be long.” This is the only commandment with a promise. I believe it comes because it is the highest calling of our lives.

Fulfilling our calling begins with God refining us. Often times that is how he equip us to raise them.

I remember when our youngest daughter, Kamy, was in high school. One day she told me about an essay she had to write on who she most admired. Secretly, I was hoping it might be me. However, she chose her youth leader, Alane. I had to agree. Often Alane’s words of wisdom resonated in Kamy’s heart where I couldn’t reach. I remember helping Kamy list the qualities in Alane that were most significant to acknowledge. She wrote the essay that earned her an A+.

A year later Kamy came home from school and said, “Hey Mom, read this. I got an A on it today.” I began reading. It was another essay, this time about me. I wept, first because I felt so undeserving of the honor that she bestowed upon in her written words. Then remembered those two words… Yet God. By his grace, he gave me one of the sweetest and most memorable gifts I could have ever imagined, discovering the loving and appreciative feelings Kamy had in her heart for her mom. After wiping my tears, I hugged Kamy tightly, then confessed that I had hoped she would have considered me when she wrote about Alane. She replied, “I know mom, but I wasn’t ready.” I recognized then that God had a work to do in my heart before such an honor as this could be bestowed.

Remember, the best way we will influence our children’s behavior is when we change our own. As Proverbs 15:33 says, “Before honor comes humility.”

About Doreen Hanna
Founder and president of Modern Day Princess (MDP), Doreen Hanna travels internationally training MDP leaders and loves to speak to audiences of parents, teen girls, and women of all ages. She is the co-author of Raising a Modern Day Princess and the newly released Raising a Young Modern Day Princess. Books are available at:
www.moderndayprincess.net
www.Amazon.com
www.Christianbook.com.

Honesty—The Best Policy?

By Lillian Duncan

Honesty is the best policy, right? So in all honesty, I have to tell you I’m not sure what I was thinking when I signed up to write a post for this blog since I’m not a parent and my writing focus is mostly suspense and mystery.

But I must have had something in mind when I did sign up but the idea is long gone!

However, speaking of honesty: children can be brutally honest, especially at the most inopportune times.

I’m very short, only 4 foot, 8 inches. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at the grocery store minding my own business when a child will stare at me. Usually one of two things will happen after that. Either they just keep staring, in which case I smile back and give them a little wave or eventually they will say to their mother, “Look at that short lady.”

The mother usually is horrified and so embarrassed.

What can you do to avoid this type of situation? Before I retired, I was a speech therapist to school children and often had to deal with helping children learn the pragmatics of language (pragmatics are about the social use of language).

Here are a few ways you can stop this situation from happening with your own child.

Use the teachable moments. Teachable moments happen often, usually at the worst time possible. Still, as a parent or teacher you need to take the time to teach in the moment.

When your child says something inappropriate, take a moment to tell them why it was the wrong thing to say. And when they say, “But it’s true,” you need to say, “It may be true but there was no reason to hurt someone’s feelings.”

Roleplaying. Dolls and action figures are a great way to help a child learn what is appropriate to say to someone else. You can take turns saying nice and mean things to the doll and exploring how those things might make the doll feel. This helps teach empathy, and that’s a good thing.

Games. I’m a big believer in using games to teach all sorts of skills. Why? Because they’re fun and they work. If you look hard enough, there may even be some commercial games out there that could work. If not, you can always try a teacher store. And last but not least create your own game.

Create a game board, then write mean and nice things on index cards. When your child labels them correctly as mean or nice, they get to roll the dice. You do the same when it’s your turn, but be sure to slip in why it’s mean or nice. First one to the finish line wins!

Yes, honestly is the best policy but it’s also important for your child to learn not every thoughts need to be expressed.

About Lillian Duncan

Lillian Duncan…Stories of faith mingled… with murder & mayhem. Lillian is a multi-published author who lives in the middle of Ohio Amish country with her husband and a menagerie of pets. After more than 30 years working as a speech pathologist for children, she believes in the power of words to transform lives, especially God’s Word.

Lillian writes the types of books she loves to read—fast-paced suspense with a touch of romance that demonstrates God’s love for all of us. To learn more about Lillian, you may visit her at www.lillianduncan.net or www.lillian-duncan.com. She also has a devotional blog at www.PowerUpWithGod.com.