A Toddler Who Hits

Q: Our 27-month-old son who goes to a child care center in a Bible study once per week is hitting and pushing other babies in the class. He specifically hits the younger kids either with a toy or pushes them over unprovoked. He has done this two times at a park, and when I am there, we immediately leave the park. How do we handle this situation especially when I am not with him in the Bible study?

Sometimes, toddlers tussle with each other like felines.

A: I often compare toddlers to cats—both can be intractable and both generally won’t do what you want them to do! And trying to keep toddlers from tussling with each other is like trying to keep cats from play fighting. It’s impossible!

This is generally a phase many children go through at this uncivilized age. Toddlers are easily frustrated, want their own way, and lash out at the closest object when things don’t go their way. Hitting and pushing are common outflows of toddler frustration. But a 2-year-old doesn’t have the long-term memory to receive a punishment later nor the self-control to simply stop.

So leaving immediately when an incident occurs is a good way to handle it. So is separating him from the other children, which is unlikely to happen in a childcare center setting.

There’s a couple of ways to handle this during Bible study. Tell the workers to immediately let you know when he hits or pushes another child, and have them isolate him from the other children. Then you come and get him and go home. Yes, this means you will frequently be leaving study early, or sometimes have to turn around and leave right away.

Or you could simply stay home for a couple of months to give him time to mature, continuing the leaving immediately if he hits/pushes during play dates or park outings, etc.

I understand this will be an inconvenience and that you want that time with other adults. But remember, this isn’t forever—it’s temporary—and sometimes, being a parent means we have to miss out on things because our child needs time to grow up so that he can play appropriately with other children.