A Peaceful Home

Note: On the fourth Tuesdays, I’m starting a new blog series on the Fruit of the Spirit, taking us through the nine character traits and applying that to raising kids.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

We all want peace in our homes, but in the chaos that is our lives, we often neglect to do the very things that can bring peace into our homes. Why is peace such an illusive character trait? I believe it’s because at its heart, peace is about setting aside our own wants, desires and sensibilities. If we truly want to peace, it has to start in our own hearts. If we’re not practicing peace, then we can’t expect peace to dwell in our families and homes.

How do we become lovers of peace? By becoming active peacemakers. Here are seven ways to transform ourselves into peacemakers—and to see that peace spill over into our homes. When we’re calm and peaceful, it’s much easier for our spouses and children to be so too.

Value peace over being right. I confess, this one gets under my skin! It can be hard for me to let go of being right for the sake of peace. I’m not talking about compromising my values or going contrary to God’s word—I’m referring to all the minutiae of our daily lives, the stuff that really doesn’t matter in the big picture. When we can decide to let the other person “win,” then we can have a more peaceful heart and demeanor.

Be willing to “lose” more than you win. This goes hand-in-hand with valuing peace more than being right. When we’re not “in it to win it”—when every conversation doesn’t have to be about us coming out on top—we will bring more peace into our lives, and into the lives of everyone around us. With the world so focused on winning at all costs, it can be very freeing and, yes, peaceful, to let go of that burning need not to “lose.”

Apologize first. When saying “I’m sorry” is needed, be the first one to offer that sincere apology. Don’t wait for the other person to start the reconciliation process. You take the first step. Sure, it can be hard, especially when it’s a difficult situation and your feelings are hurt. But taking proactive steps like being willing to be the first to offer an apology is essential to being a peacemaker.

Overlook the little stuff. You know what I mean—those little annoyances, like leaving the cap off the toothpaste or not unloaded the dish drainer. Those little things that get under your skin faster than a tick in the spring. Look instead at those little drip, drip, drips as opportunities for you to bless the other person. Not by magnanimously “overlooking,” but by putting the cap on the toothpaste and unloading the dish drainer with an eye to be a blessing to someone else…even if that person never notices your act.

Answer anger with softness. As Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (ESV). When we reply to anger with peace, it dilutes the anger. It’s hard to be wrathful when the person with whom you’re angry is not answering in kind. Make it a practice to respond to anger with gentleness.

Disengage from conflict. Like fires, conflicts escalate when fueled by wind or fresh wood. When we can stop engaging in the conflict until all parties cool down, we can bring about a more peaceful resolution. This is especially true in the parent-child relationship, where it’s the wiser, older parent who has more power, and thus to disengage from a budding conflict often douses the conflict.

Practice reconciliation. While this is a larger topic than can be covered in a blog post, here are some general guidelines for reconciliation: acknowledge the hurt, stress compromise, use questions to understand the other’s point of view, and come up with a solution agreed to by both parties.

Being committed to peace can be hard, especially in today’s collective me-first attitude. But it’s well-worth the effort to do our part to give our homes a more peaceful setting. For more information, I highly recommend The Peacemaker by Ken Sande and The Young Peacemaker for kids.

All We Need Is Love?

Note: On the fourth Tuesdays, I’m starting a new blog series on the Fruit of the Spirit, taking us through the nine character traits and applying that to raising kids.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

The world is in love with love, and not just around Valentine’s Day either. The idea that if we just had enough love, everything would be okay isn’t a new one. People have been thinking that for centuries.

We also tend to think of love as strictly a feeling. That means, if we don’t feel in love, we’re not in love. We enjoy the feeling of being in love, but that feeling isn’t the most reliable. It can lead us astray, can cause untold trouble, and can break up marriages and families.

Jesus taught us the true meaning of love in his reply to the question of which was the greatest commandment: “Jesus answered, ‘The most important is, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:28-31 (ESV)

That kind of love is more than a feeling—it’s an active, living and breathing love. How can we teach our children the true meaning of love like that? Here are a few thoughts.

Show them love. Kids need to see an active love, so while telling them we love them is important, so is showing them we love them. That means fixing their favorite meals, listening with our full attention, going to see them play or perform, allowing them to invite friends over, spending one-on-one time with them on a regular basis, and giving them hugs frequently.

Correct them when they do wrong. An active love also isn’t afraid to correct the loved one. Some parents have a hard time with discipline because they think if they punish a child for misbehavior, the child will interpret that as the parents not loving them. But proper, effective discipline can’t exist without love.

Love your spouse. We can’t get so immersed in the daily tasks of raising kids to forget to love our spouse in an active, vibrant way. Our kids should see us get mushy with our husbands or wives. Our kids should know without a doubt how much mom and dad love each other. Seeing that married love played out in technicolor in their living room and around the dinner table will go a long way to showing kids what real love looks like.

Talk about what loves means. True love isn’t easy. It isn’t here today and gone tomorrow. It’s persevering through the tough times. It’s overcoming heartache and misery. It’s forgiving and letting go. It’s mercy and grace. Helping kids to understand the many facets of love will help them learn to identify the real thing from the many imitations they will encounter.

All we do need is love—true, active love.

Fun Ways to Grow the Fruit of the Spirit in Children

By Karen Whiting

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control— we want to see this fruit in our children. We can nurture the growth of the Fruit of the Spirit through hands-on activities that also help us bridge to talking about the fruit.

Obstacle courses
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Challenges of going under, over and around objects can be fun. Chat about choosing how to get past each obstacle, and that it takes longer than just running straight from start to finish without roadblocks. Connect that to problems in life and the challenge of figuring out solutions. Patience and self-control increase as a child overcomes obstacles and gains confidence.

Spiritual Treasure Boxes
When my oldest child was preschool age, we decorated a box to hold treasures that reminded her of God and Bible stories. Inside she placed feathers as reminders of God caring for the birds and her, a lock of hair because he numbers every hair on her head, toy animals for Noah’s ark, cotton balls for sheep because she is God’s little lamb an he is her shepherd, and little pebbles for David winning over the bully Goliath. She loved to add items and show them to friends. She told others about Jesus with this box. She added items that reminded her of prayers God answered. It also increased her faithfulness.

Measuring Pole
Children love being measured as they grow. Next to the pole, it’s great to add a note of how they grew in character, did a good deed, or a fruit they exhibited. It helps them focus on more than physical growth, like goodness.

Strong but Fragile Eggs
Eggs-actly fun. Wrap your hand around an egg and squeeze. It doesn’t break. Tap it on the side of a bowl and break it open. Let a child stand on a carton of eggs and discover the eggs don’t break. It’s a lesson in how we are strong, yet fragile. God gave us strong hearts, yet they can be hurt and feel broken. It’s a lesson in gentleness and having compassion and growing in kindness.

Check out how to walk on eggs: http://www.kidspot.com.au/things-to-do/activities/walking-on-eggs-science-experiment

Board Games
A simple game like Candy Land can be fun or end in tears and fights. Focus on fun by rejoicing when someone moves ahead and laughing when you move backwards. Continue playing until everyone reaches the finish. Clap and hug each one completing the race. It helps everyone learn patience of waiting for a turn, persistence in finishing, and peace in getting along while playing. End with a praise parade to share joy of being together and how love is more important than winning.RYMDPrincess_FinalCover_022316

About Karen Whiting
Karen Whiting (www.karenwhiting.com) is an international speaker, author of twenty-two books, and a former television host. These activities come from her new book Raising a Young Modern Day Princess: Growing the Fruit of the Spirit in Your Little Girl (Focus on the Family/Tyndale Publishers).