We start a new year off with fire and commitments that likely include being better parents or solving a particularly thorny problem related to our children. About this point in the year, many of us have succumb to reality and the hard truth that change is, well, hard. We’ve already slipped up on our promise to eat better, exercise more and to stop yelling at our kids. We’ve missed the boat on being nicer and spending less time on our phones and more time talking to those with whom we share living quarters. We’re starting to give up on fixing the “old” problems that never seem to go away.
In other words, we’re feeling very discouraged and are about to throw in the towel until the end of 2017, where the promise of a fresh 2018 will induce us to try again. But we can fight discouragement and restart our resolutions. Here’s how.
Stop thinking in terms of “pass” and “fail.” Semantics matter, and framing missing the mark as a misstep rather than a setback can help you keep going.
Focus on the long term, rather than the short term. When we keep our eyes on the “prize,” it’s easier to overlook small setbacks or mistakes along the way. The key is to have a mantra or mission statement—something short that you can use to self-talk your way through discouragements.
Modify goals as needed. If your New Year’s Resolution is to never yell at your kids again, then you’ve set yourself up for failure from the get-go, because you will find yourself yelling at your children. Instead, modify the original resolution to something more attainable, such as, “Instead of yelling, I will count to 10 when I’m feeling frustrated with the kids, then speak.”
Learn from the mistakes. You’ve decided to lose 10 pounds by not eating sweets, but find yourself secretly sneaking chocolate leftover from Christmas. Instead of putting sweets totally off the table, try limiting yourself to a handful of M&Ms each afternoon.
Enlist help. If yelling has been your default method of communication when something frustrates you, ask your family for assistance in helping you tame the screaming beast. Maybe your spouse and kids could say a secret word, like pickles, when they see you starting to get upset.
Overall, remember that discouragement takes root only when we let it reside in our hearts. Sure, you’ll feel discouraged at times, but you should acknowledge it, take a deep breath, and move on. After all, tomorrow is another day, one without mistakes.
Until next time,